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First Time

Felix Dennis
May 18, 2013
Mandalay, Mustique
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‘Fuck me in the arse,’ I blurted.
‘Christ!’ I heard him croak—scrabbling for the tube
of K-Y. ‘Didn’t know you were perverted...’
Squeezing the lube

All over the place, half-doubting,
And anxious, smearing jelly from crack to chin—
And then all the fumbling and me shouting:
‘Just shove it in!’

The verse form comes from ‘Eight o’Clock’ by A.E. Housman, but the subject matter would have been distasteful to him—he spent his life sublimating a thwarted first love into academia and literature. His poem ‘Eight o’Clock’ is about another kind of first time - a hanging.