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Exit, pursued by a bear...

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When you dare not dry a china dish
               for fear you cannot catch it,
When you’re slow to take a tenner out
               for fear a yob will snatch it;

When you turn the television on
               and everything’s offensive,
When your home is worth a fortune
               but a loaf is so expensive;

When you leave the bathroom door ajar
               in case they cannot reach you,
When you’d like to try computers,
               but there’s nobody to teach you;

When you’ve long outlived the doctor
               with his farcical prognosis,
When your single living enemy
               is osteoporosis;

When your friends laid in their coffins
               look much happier than you do,
When your children speak Swahili and
               their spouses practise voodoo;

When attire is back in fashion you
               abandoned in your forties,
When your shopping expeditions turn
               to military sorties;

When your spectacles go walk-about
               upon a daily basis,
When your house becomes a fortress
               and your garden an oasis;

When you can’t remember what it was
               you made yourself for supper,
When there’s sugar in the kitty’s bowl
               and cat food in your cuppa;

When those kindly meaning ladies from
               the  Council call you ‘dearie’,
When they speak about a ‘living will’,
               and all the world grows weary;

Then it’s time to book a life-time’s cruise,
               Although the prospect scares you:
And be sure to sail first class, my dear—
               Unless you wish your heirs to!