When you dare not dry a china dish
for fear you cannot catch it,
When you’re slow to take a tenner out
for fear a yob will snatch it;
When you turn the television on
and everything’s offensive,
When your home is worth a fortune
but a loaf is so expensive;
When you leave the bathroom door ajar
in case they cannot reach you,
When you’d like to try computers,
but there’s nobody to teach you;
When you’ve long outlived the doctor
with his farcical prognosis,
When your single living enemy
is osteoporosis;
When your friends laid in their coffins
look much happier than you do,
When your children speak Swahili and
their spouses practise voodoo;
When attire is back in fashion you
abandoned in your forties,
When your shopping expeditions turn
to military sorties;
When your spectacles go walk-about
upon a daily basis,
When your house becomes a fortress
and your garden an oasis;
When you can’t remember what it was
you made yourself for supper,
When there’s sugar in the kitty’s bowl
and cat food in your cuppa;
When those kindly meaning ladies from
the Council call you ‘dearie’,
When they speak about a ‘living will’,
and all the world grows weary;
Then it’s time to book a life-time’s cruise,
Although the prospect scares you:
And be sure to sail first class, my dear—
Unless you wish your heirs to!