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Doing the Howard Hughes

Felix Dennis
September 8, 2007
New York City
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Yeah. I’m gonna do a Howard Hughes.
First, I gotta get a penthouse flat
Above the strip. No dog, no cat,
Just Mormon  creeps to burn my shoes

And substitute new Kleenex boxes,
(Gotta keep the germs at bay),
Play me my old movies night and day,
Nix the nosy Feds and doxies,

And watch for sleazeball Communists!
Do what I say and shut their trap,
And scrape the ice cream off my lap,
And help me to update these lists

Of things to do. Like call the President
And warn the bum that things have gone too far...
That air-con vent beside the bar!
Strange noises!  Strange noise in the vent!

They’re busy taping everything... now run
And buy the damn hotel and block that shaft—
Towns like this are built on wops and graft.
Call my lawyer... not the Jewish one...

Where was I?  Yeah, the Whitehouse bum
Who can’t seem to remember who paid what...
And call the Doc, I need another shot!
To get his arse elected. Ingrate scum.

I need another airline. Who to fight?
The weakest one, the idle pigs,
I’m constipated, go and buy some figs!
Paint the windows black, there’s too much light!

We merge ’em and we couldn’t lose,
Briggs’ will do: he’s got the right demeanor.
Then I gotta nix this new subpoena...
Yeah.  I’m gonna do a Howard Hughes.