I know all your friends have an iPad,
With zillions of thingies to play,
But you’ll just have to wait until Christmas
And do what the fuck I say.

I know it’s your bedroom, my darling,
And you want your friends over to stay,
But it looks like an absolute pigsty.
Now do what the fuck I say.

Yes, you’ve told us you’re soon going vegan
To live upon lentils all day,
But til then, pass your father the gravy,
Please do what the fuck I say.

Do I know that I’m killing the planet
By treating my roses with spray?
Yes I do, now get back to your homework
And do what the fuck I say.

No I don’t want you top of your class, dear,
Or summa cum bleeding laude,
But second from bottom’s pathetic,
Why not do what the fuck I say?

You don’t want to visit your grandma?
Well neither do I, so touché!
Now get in the car—and stop sulking,
Just do what the fuck I say.

No you can’t have a tattoo like Donna’s,
Or dye your hair cobalt and gray,
Yes, I doubt you’ll have any friends left soon,
But do what the fuck I say.

I know perfectly well what I sound like
When I order a café au lait,
But this ‘bourgeois old fart’ is you parent,
So just do what the fuck I say.

I’ve seen what you’ve posted on Facebook
And it comes down this minute, OK?
No we’re not going to have a discussion,
Just do what the fuck I say.

No you’re not sleeping over at Zara’s,
I’ve heard that her folks are away.
Never mind how I know—you’re not going!
You’ll do what the fuck I say.

I don’te care which rapper your ‘faking’,
I don’t want to hear it. No way!
No ‘n’ word, no ‘c’ word, no ‘f’ word,
Do what the fuck I say.

Do I know what a hypocrite sounds like?
Your insults are somewhat cliché,
You can call me whatever you wish, dear,
Just do what the fuck I say.

Until you move out—or to college
With the band playing ‘Anchors Aweigh!’
Though you strain every fibre, my darling,
You do what the fuck I say.

I know what you’re thinking, I’ve been there,
I’ve read every line in the play,
Though you act like you’re Juliet incarnate,
Still, do what the fuck I say.

No you’re not going to ‘bum out all summer
Rehearsing to be a deejay’,
You’re getting a job—and that’s final,
You’ll do what the fuck I say.

The drugs that I found in your pocket?
I took them and threw them away,
If I find them again you’re in trouble.
Just do what the fuck I say.

Have sex if you must, but not here dear.
Do I care if you’re straight or you’re gay?
No I don’t, but you’re using a condom!
Please do what the fuck I say.

One day you’ll have kids of your own, dear,
And though you’ll be busy, I pray
You’ll spare me a thought as you’re yelling,
‘Do what the fuck I say!’

The End.